


Won't Say I'm In Love

by real__kazekage



Series: Assassin's Lover [5]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Hallucinations, Inspired by Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real__kazekage/pseuds/real__kazekage
Summary: Based on the song "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Heracles. Zevran deals with his emotions with the help of some statues.





	Won't Say I'm In Love

_This scene won't play  
I won't say I'm in love._

_-I Won't Say, Susan Egan _

* * *

_"I won't take it unless it means something," her voice was so stern to him. All he wanted was for her to take the damn earring and stop trying to make this a bigger deal than it should be. It truly irritated him to no end. _  
_"**You!"** Zevran paused to exhale before he shouted at the stubborn woman. "You are a **very** difficult woman, do you know that?" His voice was growing harsher by the second. He was conflicted with himself and how she made him feel. Why can't she just accept it without making it mean something!? What does she want from him!?_  
_ Zevran clenched his fist and glared at the dark haired woman before him. "You don't want the ring then you don't get the ring!"_  
_ "Fine with me," she responded, turned on her heel and walked away from him. His grip on the earring only tightened to the point where his nails dug into the palm of his hand._

* * *

Zevran sat alone in the garden of the Arl of Redcliffe's Estate. The garden was well kept with various flowers and a large fountain in the middle; there are always various statues of heroes throughout history. The rest of the companions were inside enjoying life within an estate than the regular camp they usually sleep in. Honestly, he missed the opening of camp; he could hear all the gossip but here the stone walls kept everything so quiet. The bench he was sitting on was extremely uncomfortable but his mind was racing with questions; so the physical pain was nothing compared to his mental one. His honey colored hues were staring at the earring resting in his palm. His eyebrows furrowed into his brow in pure frustration. It is just an earring! Why must she make it such a big deal!? It is nothing more than a gift: it doesn't have to be a gift of affection! She is so frustrating!

The assassin stood up with his fist clenched and made a throw motion toward the fountain. However, he cannot allow himself to open his palm for the earring to fly away from him. He walked over to the fountain and bent his frame forward toward the water. His head turned slightly to the side when he saw a dark figure past by a lit window. From the figure of the shadow he knew it was her and it only angered him. He looked away from the window in a scowl on his face. He did not move until the dark shadow past the light. Once it was completely dark again did he exhale loudly, and lean against the fountain.

"It's** just** a earring," he mumbled to himself. "Ah, if there was a price for rotten judgment, I suppose I already won." That is putting it mildly; how many people has he bedded without a second thought about feelings. The only feeling he cared about was the feeling of pleasure and ecstasy. And yet, here she comes and making him think there should be more! Sex is nothing more than two people enjoying themselves: there doesn't have to be complex feelings!

Zevran turned toward the statue and walked slowly around it. The statue was of a woman but she wore armor with a long sword in her hand. Despite being a warrior, her features were very lovely. Whoever created this woman must have truly cared for her to make her seem even lovely today -- despite it being years since it was created. For a split second the woman's stone face turned to the lovely features of Amell. Then, like out of a dream the statue moved her hand with the sword down to him, "who do you think you're jesting? She's the earth and heaven to you." The statue's voice was just like hers: like bells from the Chantry's steeple. Just the sound of her sweet voice is enough to anger him at this moment.

He shook his head with the scowl returning once again and pushed the sword away from him, "**NO!** No chance, no way!" He mumbled to himself and walked away from the warrior woman. Her features returned to her stone ones once again. He looked back at the earring within his hand and shook his head: such a stupid gift to begin with.

"I thought I learned my lesson," he sighed to himself. Oh, just the reminder of what he did to Rinnala is enough for his prideful heart to break into a thousand pieces. When they were all together --- that's when he felt such happiness, but now he wonders: _was it truly happiness?_ He killed Taliesen without a second thought. The moment he said he would kill Amell was enough for Zevran's blood to run cold with hatred. Yet, when he spoke about Rinnala let that....he allowed it. He never questioned Taliesen. There was always a chance in the crows that one of your own might turn on you. Yet, the idea of his old lover killing Amell was enough to nearly turn him into a possessed man. He shook his head in frustration, keeping his grip on the earring. 

He sat down at the edge of another statue: a man with the head of a qunari: reminder of those who fell during the qunari war. His mind refused to let the image of Rinnala out of his mind. He could still hear her laugh and her soft voice as she died before him, "It feels so good when you start out....", he whispered to himself as his finger stroked the ring in his opposite hand. His fingers clenched around it once again, tearing his gaze away from it, "Get a grip, man!" he nearly shouted to himself.

"You keep on denying," Zevran nearly jumped at the sound of the man speaking to him: the statue holding the head of the qunari. The man leaned down to his eye level. "Why deny who you are and what you're feeling? I'm not buying it!"

Zevran stood up and backed away from the statue of the man, "No way. I won't say it!"

The statue returned to its previous state in stone. He walked over to the bush of flowers and let his hand run through the bush. His fingertips feeling the pedals against his rough skin. Within the bush of flowers was a statue of a couple in still motion of a dance: their hands intertwined with one another and their gaze upon each other. He stood beside the couple and leaned against it: his gaze lifted up to their faces. Their stone features slowly dissolved into his and Amell's. A smile appeared on his lips at the sight.

"Check that grin, you're in love," the statue of himself said to him.

Zevran moved away from the statue with his hands shaking in frustration. "This won't happen again. **NO**! I won't say I'm in love," he said with venom in his tone toward the statue of the couple. The couple returned back to stone once more.

He made his way back to the middle of the garden. His grip still tight around the earring. He found himself back at the warrior statue and leaned against the leg's of the woman. He opened his fist and just stared at the earring resting in his palm. He closed his eyes for a moment just to see Amell's lovely face. He could hear her laughs -- such a rare sound. He could hear the stern tone that she used with nearly everyone, even him. He can see her rare smile that lights up an entire room. He can feel her soft touch against his face and her lips against his. He can still feel how nervous he was when he tried to give this earring to her -- how she denied him and how much of a fool he felt toward her. What if....what if he was honest about his feelings...?

He opened his eyes when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. He turned quickly at the gesture and saw the warrior statue peering down at him. The woman did not have the face of his beloved anymore: it had the stone face yet there was light in her eyes.

"Zevran, don't be proud, _it's okay,_" the statue whispered to him. "you're in love....". The statue's voice was so soft -- yet it felt like an arrow with poison stabbed him in his heart.

He has never been in love, or he doesn't think so. Such an emotion is one that is so rare to many. It is a word he has rarely heard or said himself in everyday conversation. Yet, he has read about the feelings of love from the collection of poems he has read in his life. Every time he read those poems it made his heart light up and at times even made him tear up. Now, remembering those poems makes him think of her: Amell. He can compare her to the works of art now. Just seeing her beautiful figure makes him feel like he is on fire. To just see her smile he would slay the archdemon himself. He would do anything for her if she asked him. Is...is that love?

Zevran sighed softly, the statue's hand left his shoulder, and he leaned back against the woman's legs. "I won't say it," he whispered to her and his gaze turned back to the earring in his hand. He closed his eyes and let his fingers fold around the earring. "At least not out loud...."


End file.
